Ellie's Hospital Stay

When Wren was seven days old, Eleanor had to be taken to the ER because she was having difficulty breathing.  What had looked like a cold earlier in the day turned out to be a bad case of RSV and she ended up staying in the hospital for four days.  The photo above was taken the day before she was released.  Other than the constant slobber and bad case of bedhead, she looks to be doing very well.  That was not the case the night before. 

It broke my heart to be separated from Eleanor for those four nights.  I had to stay home with Wren to make sure that she stayed healthy.  Joe and his Mom took turns caring for our sick little Ellie and I would come visit for about an hour each day.  The day before this photo was taken I was heartbroken to see my girl hooked up to a machine to help her breathe.  She was feverish and lethargic and completely hysterical whenever a nurse entered the room.  She didn't sing or laugh or even open her eyes.  She just sat limply in my lap and rested fitfully.  It was so very hard to see her that way.  This was not the cheerful girl I had always known.  There are no pictures of her when she was that ill, because it hurt too much to see.

During those days I would return from the hospital and change my clothes - hoping to shield Wren from the disease.  I would hold my tiny baby and try to cherish the newness that still hung about her, yet my thoughts would be far away, wondering and worrying about my firstborn.  This was not in our plans for Wren's first days on earth.

Despite our best efforts to keep Wren completely healthy, she too contracted the virus - though miraculously not to the extent that Eleanor experienced.  It was hard to watch a two week old cough and sputter and gag, but as I watched her diligently, I felt assured that she would be fine.  And I felt so grateful that she didn't need to be hospitalized as well.

This experience taught me a lot about faith and gratitude and what it means to love someone so much that it kills you inside to watch them suffer at all.  I am grateful to finally feel confident in my motherly instincts.  Somehow I knew when it was time to wake the pediatrician and when it was time to call a cab and rush to the hospital.  I am thankful that the Spirit of God inspires mothers to know what their children need at any given time - and also that the Spirit is a source of comfort when your heart is heavy and your mind is troubled.

This experience taught me to be thankful every day for the things I have often taken for granted.  When Ellie was gone I realized how much I missed the sound of her feet running through our tiny apartment.  I missed her messes and her laughter and her energy that often overwhelms me.  Our house was so quiet and meaningless without her here.  I learned to be thankful for my health and the health of my husband and children EVERY DAY that we are alive.  It is so easy to take our health for granted - to feel that these bodies will always work well and that we are invincible.  But truly each breath is a gift not to be treated lightly. 

I am grateful also for so many friends and family members who prayed for us and served us and lightened our load during this trying time.  We are so very thankful that our daughters are well and we are excited to greet February happy and healthy at last.