January 15, 2012

Know Thyself (and thy mothering pitfalls)

I have a confession to make.

I'm a little bored.

I know, I know - I have a brand new baby and it's all so wonderful and I really shouldn't be anything but over the moon.  But I feel I should write the truth here, so here it is.  The truth is, I'm not really a newborn person.

Me and my girls on Wren's first day

The honeymoon phase of the first week is over.  We're into week three now and exhaustion and boredom are commonplace around these parts.  The first time I had a baby I was shocked at how much I didn't love life with a newborn.  In fact, it scared me and made me feel guilty.  Like somehow I wouldn't be a good mother if I didn't absolutely cherish every day with my new baby.

I know better now.
I know myself better.
I know more about what kind of mother I am.
I am comfortable just saying it like it is:

I am a devoted mother.

I love my children deeply and would do anything for them.

I am pretty good at what I do - I think I raise quality human beings.

However, caring for a newborn bores me to tears.

There you have it, people.  That's the truth about me.  I know myself well enough to know that I thrive on external validation. (hello, why do you think I blog?)  And I understand enough about being a mother to know that validation runs a bit thin coming from your kids.  I don't expect Ellie to compliment me for dressing her so sharply or filling her days with creative activities - my expectations are not that unrealistic.  I feel validated when my child smiles back at me.  When she waves and laughs at something I do.  When she converses with me.  When she shows me something I taught her.  For me, those things are all immensely satisfying. 

Newborns - not so much.

Don't worry, I love Wren.  She is perfect and wonderful.  She is sweet and snuggly.  She will grow and develop and I will fall more in love with her as time goes by.  Right now we are all healthy and relatively happy.  Just adjusting to life and waiting for the new normal to come around.  It's OK to be bored for a bit.  It is the ebb and flow of life.  Right now we're ebbing - we'll start flowing again soon, I'm sure.

I hope to be blogging more in the coming week.  And let's have no mistake about it, I'll really be looking forward to your comments. 

Because if there's anything I crave right now it's a healthy dose of adult interaction and validation.