October 21, 2011

A Marriage that Works

I had spent the last hour sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself.

He was tired and hungry after a long day of work.

Who knows how it started?  A harsh start-up by both of us as soon as he walked in the door and we were on our way to the world's shortest fight.

Three sentences into it I yelled, "Just leave me alone!" and stormed off dramatically only to realize that there really was no where to go in this one bedroom apartment.  So I escaped into the bathroom and drew myself a warm bath.

He found me there, crying my tears of self-pity.  He was sorry and I was sorry.  Then there was nothing to do but laugh.  We laughed because sometimes you just need to let off a little steam.  Sometimes you're just looking for a fight.  Sometimes you are sick and tired of the same old routine and you need an impromptu bath time and Papa John's pizza.

Sometimes marriage isn't as exciting or glamorous as we once thought it would be.  But always we are in this together.
Later that night he brought me a drink of water as we settled into bed. 

There were booger-looking things stuck to the inside of the cup near the rim.  I complained about them (not being one to suffer in silence) and he cheerfully turned the cup around and offered me the other side.

I drank it.

As we got under the covers my first thoughts were, "Why wouldn't he just get me a clean glass?  Or better yet, why doesn't he pay more attention when he does the dishes so we don't have booger-looking things at all?"

The next thoughts were, "I'm so lucky that he brings me drinks of water and that he is so willing to do the dishes each night."

"Good night - I love you."

Maybe one day the nice thoughts will come first.  For now I'm just learning to keep my mouth closed long enough to let them come at all.
It's not a perfect marriage - who could claim to have that?  But it's a marriage that works.  And not in the way that your clunky car works until you can save enough to get a new one.  It's love and tears and arguments and inside jokes.  It's forgiveness and friendship and negotiation.  It's service and learning to be selfless together.  This marriage - it's everything to me.

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure.  Amen.
                                                             Moroni 7:48
                                                                                                                              The best marriage advice anyone ever gave me


  1. Whitney,

    You are on a role with making me tear up. Your past two posts were great. You have such a way of putting your feelings into words that I truly appreciate. Just wanted to say that I think you are awesome!


  2. I just want to pinch both you and Joe's cheeks, you guys are too adorable.

    And I appreciate the honesty, buddy. I remember a time when I thought that you and Joe had the perfect marriage. I still think that you have one of the greatest I've ever seen, though.

    PS Can we talk throw pillows for a minute? Tell me where you obtained those.

  3. you are so sweet :) i wish the good thoughts would come first too haha

  4. Oh I love you guys! I was told before getting married that marriage is the teaches you to be your best self is you let it. I didn't understand that until I got married. This marriage is on the long long (long, long, long) road of perfecting me, and it is wonderful.

  5. A marriage that works is one where both spouses work at it...right!? And that's definitely what you are doing! Way to go. You guys are great examples to us!!

  6. Amen!

    I used to think that other couples I knew didn't argue and that really bothered me. Ha! I've since realized the same things you have - our marriage is not perfect, but it's wonderful. "It's forgiveness and friendship and negotiation"." We just keep working at it and keep each other going, knowing we're both in it forever.

  7. love that you are so real. this just made me smile because we do this too. life is good!

  8. You are awesome. These last two posts have been words of comfort to me. Thanks Whitney!

  9. This is such a great post! Thanks for writing your thoughts, I always enjoy reading them because you are just a cool girl! Life is so real and it can be real hard sometimes but also real good at times too! All in all, I just remind myself that I am so glad I am not by myself! I am so glad I have my "marriage counterpart". hehe

  10. Very good, Whitney. I concur. With all of it.