Where I've Been

The short answer: psychotherapy.

The slightly wordier answer: I've just been trying to live my life. To really be present. After I wrote that post on the anniversary of Mom's passing, I just wasn't really sure what to do with this blog anymore. Do I want it to be about my adorable daughters and all the wonderful ways we spend our time? Do I want this to be a place where I can write down my thoughts and process emotions? What about sharing recipes or bragging about my DIY accomplishments? Yikes - do I consider sharing thoughts about spirituality and the route my inner life is taking?

See, I keep things pretty compartmentalized in my mind and I was starting to go crazy trying to figure out what needed to go where all the time. So I just took a break from blogging. I took a break from Facebook (which is ongoing and I love it, except that I never know about babies or birthdays, but that's really all I miss), and I tried to just live for a while. What would it be like to live life without sharing it online?

I started writing longhand everyday and found it difficult and refreshing.

I worked through The Artist's Way program and it is seriously life changing.

I gave myself more time to fiddle around with stuff. Watercolor here, birdwatching there, walks in the woods just for fun.

It's been great. And I didn't let myself feel any guilt about this blog. I know, I know, it takes a special kind of person to feel guilt and pressure over a blog which they have created and which has no monetary value or deadline or anything. I am that special person - able to feel guilty about just about anything. Like I was saying, I didn't let myself feel any guilt about blogging. I waited until I really wanted to share things again. And now it's happened. I think I have things to share. I think I'm learning better how to give myself a break and really love this life I'm living. And I miss writing here, so I'm back.

Here's to less compartmentalizing. If I want to write about suicide and depression and other mental health issues, I will. If I want to just share photos of my adorable daughters and say nothing about heavy topics, I will. If I want to show you guys how amazing I am getting at embroidery and tell you about my latest bird sightings or just dump things out of my head so my thoughts will be quiet, I'll do that too.

This blog is a record of my life. And life can be messy and unorganized. I'm trying to be OK with that. Here's to the freedom to write (or not to write) and the joy that can be found when we just slow down enough to be.

I love these photos of the girls getting in touch with nature during our family reunion in Oklahoma.

They are such good role models for me.