On Your Half Birthday

Oh Wren-bug, what a force of nature you are! I can't believe how quickly you are growing and so I tried to get some photos of you to commemorate this milestone. But, aside from a single photo included in this post, you refused to be distracted from you work. Couldn't bother to look up at me at all. It is so typical of you to be completely engrossed in your work and absolutely determined.

Sometimes I feel like I have two different daughters who both answer to the name Wren. I like to think of you as Stinker Wren and Sweetheart Wren. So here is a little update of both of those girls.

Stinker Wren:
- gives everyone a crazy glare from under furrowed brows
- continues to eat a vast array of non-edible items
- beats up on Ellie all the time. Seriously, that girl is kind of scared of you.
- refuses to eat vegetables except for very special ocassions
- watercolors inside her mouth
- has a determination that will not be swayed. (eventually this will be a great asset, but since you are a toddler, it's going on the stinker list)
- sits by the door and cries hysterically after Dad leaves the house (see above trait)
- has pooped on me more than I ever imagined a child would
- insists on doing everything herself and throws a massive fit every time I change a diaper or buckle a seat or fasten a shoe. EVERY TIME.
- walks around like she owns the place with a big gut in the front and arms swinging side to side
- spends a lot of time in time-out. It's becoming quite the game of cause and effect.

Sweetheart Wren:
- gives the most amazing kisses. Multiple kisses, without being asked - it's a heart melter.
- talks up a storm with adorable phrases like, "Oh, my" and "I want stah-bellie!" (strawberry)
- pretends to be a dog by crawling on the ground, barking and panting
- still wraps her tiny arms around our necks and legs to give big hugs
- is smart as a whip and tries her best to keep up with Ellie
- waves goodbye when we say goodnight and smacks her lips for one more kiss
- sings softly to herself in the backseat
- pushes her face right against mine and giggles from the gut
- loves to tickle people and brush hair
- squeals for Dada when he gets home - makes him feel like a total rockstar
- signs "again" every time she likes something. How could I not accommodate?

Remember how you stood alone on that beach forever while we all called your name?

Absolutely refusing to come until you were good and ready - that's the stinker I love.

Dearest Wren, on your half birthday I hope you know that I love you with my whole heart. You fill our lives with joy and adventure and more laughter and head shaking than we ever anticipated. Stay the course my little firecracker - it is a thrill to watch you grow. Big smooches forever!

Where I've Been

The short answer: psychotherapy.

The slightly wordier answer: I've just been trying to live my life. To really be present. After I wrote that post on the anniversary of Mom's passing, I just wasn't really sure what to do with this blog anymore. Do I want it to be about my adorable daughters and all the wonderful ways we spend our time? Do I want this to be a place where I can write down my thoughts and process emotions? What about sharing recipes or bragging about my DIY accomplishments? Yikes - do I consider sharing thoughts about spirituality and the route my inner life is taking?

See, I keep things pretty compartmentalized in my mind and I was starting to go crazy trying to figure out what needed to go where all the time. So I just took a break from blogging. I took a break from Facebook (which is ongoing and I love it, except that I never know about babies or birthdays, but that's really all I miss), and I tried to just live for a while. What would it be like to live life without sharing it online?

I started writing longhand everyday and found it difficult and refreshing.

I worked through The Artist's Way program and it is seriously life changing.

I gave myself more time to fiddle around with stuff. Watercolor here, birdwatching there, walks in the woods just for fun.

It's been great. And I didn't let myself feel any guilt about this blog. I know, I know, it takes a special kind of person to feel guilt and pressure over a blog which they have created and which has no monetary value or deadline or anything. I am that special person - able to feel guilty about just about anything. Like I was saying, I didn't let myself feel any guilt about blogging. I waited until I really wanted to share things again. And now it's happened. I think I have things to share. I think I'm learning better how to give myself a break and really love this life I'm living. And I miss writing here, so I'm back.

Here's to less compartmentalizing. If I want to write about suicide and depression and other mental health issues, I will. If I want to just share photos of my adorable daughters and say nothing about heavy topics, I will. If I want to show you guys how amazing I am getting at embroidery and tell you about my latest bird sightings or just dump things out of my head so my thoughts will be quiet, I'll do that too.

This blog is a record of my life. And life can be messy and unorganized. I'm trying to be OK with that. Here's to the freedom to write (or not to write) and the joy that can be found when we just slow down enough to be.

I love these photos of the girls getting in touch with nature during our family reunion in Oklahoma.

They are such good role models for me.

Still here....feeling it out.

I've been meaning to post here for weeks now. An explanation for my drop off from this blog, a couple essays I've written that I think aren't half bad, a shout out just to say, "Hey, we're in Seattle this summer!" But after a full day of being a totally rad parent - I am just spent. Every. Night.

Seriously, have you ever tried to be a great parent all day long? It really takes it out of you. Personally, I don't have energy for anything other than watching Netflix and staring blankly around the room.

For family night we read articles from The Friend magazine while driving to Green Lake Park. I took some photos and decided to just dump them here because they make me happy. Hope you enjoy. I'm off to collapse into bed. Gotta keep my strength up for the kick-ass job I plan on doing tomorrow.

My girls and their pageant waves.

These two have been especially adorable lately.

I love my family. The end.